Sunday, November 21, 2010

Why is Ke$ha famous??

So I just finished and submitted the second draft for my journal article (which is increasingly a pain in the ass as finals get closer), and of course the first thing I did was roll on over to Youtube to find the latest waste of time. So what is the first thing that I see? ...I see a seven year old kid (boy) wearing a blue plaid shirt rapping a ke$sha (intentionally not capitalizing her name out of disrespect) "song" whilst standing on some random ass railroad tracks.

...Alright seriously, what the hell is wrong with this picture? Let's run through the likely scenarios. First, the kid is such a fan of ke$sha that he asked his parents to help him film a cover/remix video of her "song" "We R Who We R."

By the way, as a quick aside, why can't we (and by we, I mean ke$ha) spell out the word "are"? Are we (you) too cool? It's more likely that she forgot how to spell the simple word ARE after years of text-messaging and IM/gchatting/whatever your fancy is these days. Lol, ;).

Anyway, under this first scenario, that means that ke$sha is gaining seven year old fans, and that parents are actually letting their kids listen to this garbage. If I had a kid, I would slap the crap out of him to prevent such heresy from the altar of the thing called METAL.

Second is the scenario where the parents of the seven year old kid are the ke$sha fans. I mean, seriously? I know I don't have a job, but at least I'm in law school... meaning that you should be doing something productive, which is like, the ANTITHESIS of ke$sha (being productive). And anyway, ke$sha is terrible music, and you should force your kids to listen to good music -- which, by the way, a scientific survey of all of society revealed that 99% agree that Metal is the best.

Third is the scenario where seven year old grabbed some of his friends and they went out and made a ke$sha remix. Well, this sucks. This would ruin my day, and probably my life. Because this means that seven year olds have the desire and know-how to make crappy videos. This is less likely, given the camera angle -- parent angle -- unless the seven year olds were standing on ladders while filming... which would be deceivingly impressive. This frightens me.

Fourth is the scenario where the child and the parents both independently enjoy and became fans of ke$sha and collaborate to make the film. This scares me most, because it implicates the broadest base of appeal possible -- from seven year olds, all the way up to adult (when does one become an adult?).

Either way, ke$sha sucks. I am not particularly opposed to the content of ke$sha's crap songs -- which I'm sure are about drinking and going clubbing and "boys" and shit -- but I'm fundamentally and absolutely morally opposed to the production of such terrible quality beat-jams. There is no harmony, rythym, or pretty much anything other than some lame-ass beat going on, with the voice of a barely post-pubescent young female mixed over top.

Ugh... You have shit (confetti?) in your hair.

And that brings me to ke$sha herself. She's not ugly, I begrudgingly concede that, but she certainly doesn't exceed the MEDIOCRE-looking category. When I think of ke$sha I just think of any random ass blonde-ish chick that I meet day-to-day. She has a forgettable voice, and an average face... whhhhyyyyy???


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